life lessons

I learned a lot about a friend from a conversation I had with him. He said "I'm living for me right now, I'm doing whatever I want to make me happy." And I think it hurt not because it was him saying it, it was the fact that I had realized something when he said that. I was so naive about the people in the world that I truly believed that no one would knowingly cause another person, especially one they called a best friend, harm for their own benefit, their own happiness. What I learned is that I was very wrong. And so there I was, face to face with the truth that changed my world. I think that part of growing up is learning that everything you hoped was one way, really isnt. Not everyone goes through life wanting to help other people, putting others before themselves and perhaps I just need to accept it as a difference in personality instead of a piece of the human condition in which people want the best for each other, not just for themselves.
So I'm not sad. And it's weird because after all of the discussions that happened over the past few days, I normally would be. And maybe its good because it means I really have changed this time--or he's used up all the sadness and anger and pain and hurt and brokeness left inside of me until all that is now left, is me, raw, defined, revealed, whole. Just me. Is that even possible? He told me I miss you, and I said it back, but its not what I meant. What I meant was that I don't miss him--I miss who I thought he was.