Grace

2nd Corinthians 12:5-10
"But I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool because I would be speaking turth...But he said to me "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, for when I am weak I am strong."

I have been thinking recently about this whole situation of myself, trying to analyze is in my mind, and come up with an explanation as to why I still feel depressed and have always felt that way, why I have always wanted a guy in my life. The best response I can come up with is this. The Christ I know who made me and knows me gave me my strengths, but more important than my strengths are my weaknesses. They are the certain habitual failures, desires other than Christ that cause me to return to him. I talked to mom the other day when I was happy because I felt like I had been healed from my depression. Only now do I feel as though it was only a small enlightenment, a revelation regarding it. I now think of it differently; If I was happy of my own accord, I would not need to return to Jesus and find joy in his incredible Love for me, joy in returning to his heart, joy in his pursuit of my heart, joy in his besitos, joy in his Grace. I struggle daily with sadness, and perhaps I will my entire life, but I think I now have the awareness and knowledge of the purpose of my sadness. I asked you the other day why you thought I have been boy crazy from the start, and the only one of us with such an intense longing for that kind of relationship. I have always desired someone to whom I would give my heart, who would take care of it and would want me. I believe now that that longing, that emptiness, is not meant for a guy to fill. It is meant for God to fill. God loves me just as I am, not who I am capable of being. And he loves my weaknesses because they are what allow me to need him, what require that I return to him and call on his truly amazing Grace to restore my heart, fulfill my longer, and bring me joy.