For My big sis

Hello there sister! This one's just for you! Since we never see each other, here is an update on my life, as I expect one from yours.
I am through tutoring Sabina, which was really a lot of fun. She is such a sweet lady and I enjoyed her company. We had such good talks about how life is so different in Italy, and in some ways its completely the same. People's attitudes and outlooks seem so much healthier there, its all about living in the moment, enjoying oneself and one's family, and not wanting everything in life, but focusing on a few things. Who knows, if I end up liking Italy enough while I am there, I may end up studying it in college and moving there for a bit.

The babysitting is insane though. During the day we are at an old lady's home, which as you know means its not baby-proofed. And I have a four week old, and a one year old who always wants mom's attention. And the old lady is 91, so its like having 3 babies to look after all at once. Its crazy.

I have been really blessed with my time lately. During high school, I always complained about not having time and now that I have it I need to pray about how I can best use it, because it really is a gift. I have been getting back into the swing of reading my bible daily, and am working through Captivating. It's at this really interesting part where it talks about how much God wants to romance us, to have a relationship with us as women, not just as father and daughter or master and servant, but as lover and beloved. Song of Songs is a really good explanation of it. It has also helped, as I am sure you will like, with my outlook on the guy situation. I was so upset for the longest time because with the past two guys it was as if I wanted so badly and was so ready to give them my heart. And even though I consider both of them great guys, they would not be able to improve the condition of my heart but eventually, they would probably worsen it. But by giving my heart to God, not just in servitude but in love, He will not only heal all the previous wounds against my heart, but he will treasure it and find joy in transforming it. Thats real love right there. Not any of the fake stuff I though would be real. And I know it sounds corny but you should really read the book, it has some very good points. And for the first time, I felt proud of myself not because of who I am as an individual, but proud to be myself because I am a woman, because of all God had in mind when he created women. And just being born a woman I now consider a gift, though many throughout history have considered it a curse. The book invites women to unveil their beauty. Here's part of it that talks about enveiling beauty, or our feminine hearts:

Women who are sunningly beautiful are women who have had their hearts enlarged by suffering. By saying "yes" when the world says "no". By paying the high price of loving truly and honsetly without demanding that they be loved in return.

It's scary, for sure. That is why it is our greatest expression of faith, because we are going to have to trust Jesus-really trust him. WE'llhave to trust him that we have a beauty, that what he said of us is true. And we'll have to trust him with how it goes when we offer it, because that is out of our control. We'll have to trust him when it hurts, and we'll have to trust him when we are finally seen and enjoyed. Thats why unveiling our beauty is how we live by faith.

Unveiling our beauty is our greatest expression of hope. We hope tht it will mater, that our beauty really does make a difference. WE hope there is a greater and higher Beauty, hope we are reflecting that beauty, and hope it will triumph. Our hope is that all si well because of Jesus and that all will be well because of him. So we unveil our beauty in hope. And finally, we unveil our beauty in the hope that Jesus is growing our beauty. Yes, we are not yet what we long to be. But we are underway, Restoration has begun, To offer beauty now is an expression of hope that it will be completed.

And unveiling our beauty is our greatest expression of love, because it is what the world needs from us. When we choose not to hide, when we choose to offer our hearts, we are choosing to love. Jesus offers; he invites; he is present. That is how he loves. That is how we love-from the heart. OUr focus shifts from self-protection to the hearts of others. WE offer beauty so that their hearts might come alive, be healed, know God, that is love.

THe other thing is that I know you have disagreed with any boy sitch I have brought to you. BUt I know God had a plan through all of that. I would never have known or valued what it meant to be romanced by God if I did not have had something to compare it to. That's just how I learn. So the heartbreak, I can now say, was all a part of God's plan. I never understood completely what it meant to not just Love God but to be in love with him, which is just as important. I feel like for the first time I understand what it means to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Of course I have all ready made "the commitment" to him or whatever they call it these days, and I guess to a certain degree that was me walking by faith, because as a kid I didn't know really anything about temptation or sin except for the obvious obey your father and mother deal. but now that I have faced so many other challenges I am glad I chose to follow Christ before I realized what it meant. Not that I don't like what I have learned, I'm just glad the events in my life and my previous belief and faith in Christ have led me to the understanding I now have. Does that make any sense to you?

So I guess this blog thing could also be a prayer request for you and me? so ok here's a big one
1. The first would be about all I have learned. It seems in my walk with Christ I take five steps forward and two steps back. Maybe pray that I can fall in love with him more and more each day. That I can see myself as he sees me, and seek Him and His truth about all situations. I want my heart to be at rest with him and in him. Not constantly striving to be perfect and to look perfect and be what I think people want me to be.
ok novels almost over...

Anyway, would love to hear what you think. Love you!