the grave is overwhelmed

Psalm 116:1-15
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice, he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me;
then I called on the name of the Lord "O Lord, Save me!"
the Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion

the Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.
For you O Lord have saved my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
...
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints

What do you do when you are too sad to sleep? I know that God's plan is always the best and I praise Him for knowing what the heck He is doing...because I sure don't. The world needs more people like Kelly...not fewer. The enemy has taken such an advanced attack on the people around me...Kelly, my patient from a few weeks ago...the man who killed himself at my work, my co-workers father who killed himself, my classmates little sister who was killed in a car accident and was only 16 years old. It breaks my heart because I know God did not intend for this kind of suffering to occur. He didn't mean for Julien to grow up not knowing how amazing his mother was and the light she brought to everyone she met. the patient, whose pulse I felt and an hour before it stopped, was not meant to be stuck in a body which he had no control over, and then leave this world without his family by his side. The man from my work and my co-workers father; the world hurt them so badly that they saw no other way out...these men had family, children, jobs, hobbies. How strong a hold has he taken on these people. Laura's little sister, she was 16, driving a car for the very first time alone. I know that this kind of pain was not intended for us when God created the world. I think we have it wrong if we believe that death is from God...yes God can stop death from happening but he does not make it happen. The enemy made it happen when he brought sin into this world, when he began his assault on the human race, on God's children.
But here is the beauty of it....
Jesus is stronger than death. When his precious blood fell from his body, he provided us with the hope that it doesn't end when we die. It didn't end when Jesus died! This life, this suffering, this pain, is not the last thing we will ever know if we choose Christ. He rose and he conquered the grave, he conquered death, and he conquered the enemy. My Jesus will continue to do these things and even though the enemy will continue to try, nothing can keep us from the love of God.
I pray that in spite of my own sadness, in spite of the sadness of many families throughout the holiday and for the rest of their lives, the name of the Lord will continue to be praised. I implore you friends, to pray for this in your own lives and in the lives of those radically changed by death recently, that God will radically work in their hearts and their lives because he can and he will. "Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed. Victory is won, he is risen from the dead"
Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities, nor present nor the future nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

final encouragement

Hey friends...just wanted to take a second in this CRAZY time for all of us college students and give you some biblical encouragement because I believe that it is the truest form of encouragement, the hope we have in Jesus Christ. And it's mostly for me too, not to preach but to encourage ok?

Mark 6:30 "then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest"".
As most of us are probably not sleeping at all, getting discouraged and stressed, it might help if we try to remember that Jesus is the remedy; he is our resting place
In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light" ummm...THANK YOU JESUS!
Luke 8:38-39 "The man from whom the demons had gone out begged to go with him, but Jesus sent him away, saying "return home, and tell how much God has done for you" so the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.
During finals, its really easy for me to get so caught up in my own little world of pathophysiology and cardiac disruptions and its sometimes really hard to see a way out. and I so often forget to keep praising the Lord for all he has done for me, for giving me the opportunity to study at this school, for cultivating an interest in this material....Philipians 1:3-6 says "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I will always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ
And finally John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled, trust in God, trust also in me"
God's gonna get us through this week ok? Please let me know how I can pray for you all.

not even death

"I will ransom them from the power of the grave, I will redeem them from death.
Where, O death, are your plagues? Where, O grave is your destruction?"
Hosea 13:14

Today I saw a dead body for the first time. I had passed his room earlier and noticed Cheyne-Stokes breathing...which basically means that he was on his way out. And I watched as a heartless nurse shut the door on her way out of the room and told no one to go in. She shut the door on a still leaving person, someone who is still deeply loved and being mourned over and she shut the door on him. but I know that he was not alone. After he died my instructor made me assess him, check for a pulse that I would not find, listen for a heart that would never beat again, assess for respirations that would no longer exist, open his eyes to check his pupils. And every time I checked something I was hoping that I was doing it wrong, that I would see his chest rise again, that I wasn't listening to my stethescope closely enough.
I don't think that anyone can completely understand the glory of the gospel unless they have a good understanding of death, which until today, I did not. Death, even when it is quiet, "comfortable" and expected, is an awful awful event that I know my God did not originally intend for us to experience. And my God, my savior, my Jesus, volunteered to go through that for me. It's an experience that I could never wish upon anyone, the fate that my sin has cost me. And Jesus, Holy and blameless Jesus paid my ransom and did it for me. He didn't just stop living, he experienced death in its fullest extent, and he conquered the grave. The power of death is shattered by Him who saves and I will forever rejoice because of it.

Lead me to the cross where your love poured out,
Bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down,
Rid me of myself I belong to you,
Oh lead me, lead me to the cross

Put on the Lord Jesus

Can I just start by saying that I serve an awesome awesome God?!?! Two awesomes aren't even close to enough. I guess the epic-ness of this weekend should beging with some context.

I had big plans for myself this weekend. Big ones. It was supposed to be the most exciting weekend of my life when my fairy tale came true--my plans, and thanks to my precious Lord, weren't gonna happen. And I was sad at first, because I had built this up to be the best weekend ever because of this thing that I decided was best for me, that would make me happy. And then I get into a car accident involving seven cars. So needless to say, my thrill for this weekend had left..quickly. But God is so good. When my plans are not his, he first gently corrects me (though the tighter I hold onto my plans the less gentle removal can become...) and then he says "Look Sarah, I've got something better for you." In Habakkuk 1:5 the Lord says "Look at the nations and watch, and be utterly amazed, for I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told" In the end, this weekend was better than I had ever imagined, better than it could have been had my plans actually happened. I wanted to meet with a part of creation this weekend, but God planned for me to meet with my creator, the creator of the universe and of all things beautiful and good--and He did this because he loves me and he wants my praise because he is worthy of all of my praise. Thank you Jesus for that.

Some of the highlights of this weekend are all encompassed in what I learned from the Lord and his word. Romans 13:14 says "but put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature"--I am such a sinner who is deeply in love with Jesus with a desperation to show the world His glory. But nothing I ever do or try to do will bring glory to the king; all that will bring him glory is what He does in me and through me. So self, it's time to step aside and let the Master do what he intended for my life...not what I intend. More of Him and way way less of me. I never understood how my total brokenness which I seem to encounter so often, could ever be anything positive, but in my brokenness, God's purpose and glory can be made more perfect and more complete. I still am blown away that after all the shame of my mistakes, God wanted so badly to meet with me intimately this weekend.

Another thing that has radically changed my perspective is that it is time to let God be the god of my life. My entire life I have professed God to be the god of my life, and yet the majority of my life is spent giving that title to something else. I am often more passionate about and sacrifice more for nursing school, boys, music---other gods aren't just idols, they are whatever we let have the focus of our hearts and desires that isn't God. I am done chasing after creations and starting let the creator and my maker rule and reign in my life.

It is almost funny to me that these things are so foundational to being a follower of Christ and yet I forget them so often. Submit to God, give him his rightful authority over my life, and remember the kingdom of God is at hand. They are so fundamental and yet I have never really felt like I have had such a clear picture. It used to be about wanting to do better, and to serve harder and to read my bible more and to preach more, but that's not it. Yes, I need to be a doer of the word, but the key step that I have always missed, is humbling myself before the Lord, and totally submitting and surrendering my life to Him. How have I called myself a Christian my whole life and forgotten that? It is by the grace of my almighty God that I have been brought back to the truth, which is only found in God and communicated with us through His word. I could continue to type forever about the awesomeness of God, and please if you are reading this, let's dialogue about it and pray for each other.

As a Christian, the core principle of my faith has never shaken me more radically; this God I serve is perfect in every way and darkness tries to hide from Him. And here I am, spewing out darkness from everything I touch. And yet he loves me so much, that in order to have a relationship with me, which couldn't happen because of my sin, he allowed his only, perfect son to carry my sin, my junk, my gossip, my attitude, my harsh words, my awful disgusting mistakes all on a cross, so that I could have a shot at a relationship with the Holiest of Holies...and its all for His glory. As a Christian, if this does not blow me away every day, then I have become complacent; I pray that this never happens. Romans 5:6-8 "You see, just at the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will someone die for a righteous man, though for a good man, someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love toward us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us"

blessed

The Lord has been good to me. And thats all I want to say...I have been blessed beyond all measure.

First Patient

I took care of my first patient on Tuesday. It was nothing too exciting, in fact I really did not get to do anything for my patient as he was having a procedure done. At first I was extremely fearful of taking care of patients for reals, but God really blessed me first with peace, and then with excitement. He has placed such a beautiful opportunity in front of me. I get to love on people who are hurting and distressed and need love more than during most situations. If you can, please pray that when I watch over these people, that God make me an extension of his loving and healing hands. Please pray that my passion to do my absolute best for these patients does not diminish as time passes but rather grows in time. Finally, please pray that I seek God in my distress. Nursing school is not easy, and I need to remind myself that God is going to get me through each day and completely take care of my needs, and that He has a better plan for my life than I could even imagine. Patient number two will be in a couple of hours. She speaks only Korean. 1 John 3:18 says "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." Today I have no choice but to do that and I thank God for the opportunity.

Love

John 15: 9-17
"So the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this, Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead I call you friends, for everything that I have learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."

Basically, Jesus makes it pretty simple for us. Can we just sit for a second and let that marinate? Sometimes in the midst of my life I make it about so much, rules and obligations and morals but here, Jesus makes following him so simple. Love each other, remain in God's love.